"In India they eat FETUSES"

Somehow, StuD always manages to bring up some uncomfortable topic when we are around family: my family, his family, anyone else's family. For example, the summer before last he came home with me to visit my fam over the 4th of July. We had lunch with my straight-edge Ohio fam, who are moderately conservative. At the time, they didn't know StuD very well, and therefore didn't understand his humor and fascination with the most random things (its mind boggling the stuff he comes up with). We were all sitting at a lovely lunch at a picnic table in my Grandpa's backyard. At the time, my older sistah was preggers with her second child. StuD is a very conversational person, and always likes to bring up whatever random topic is going through his head at the time. Usually, when things pop into his head, he gets really excited, and when he tries to put his thoughts into words, sometimes he misses a few points and rushes through things. During lunch, he happened to be thinking about a recent food travel show we saw on the travel channel. Bear in mind, my older sister is with child during this conversation:

"Did you know..." StuD blurted out, "In India they eat FETUSES. We were watching this crazy documentary the other day..." he fades off.


Dead silence. Forks hanging in mid-air. All eyes on StuD.


I rush in, "ANIMAL fetuses. Not like, humans, or anything." nervous laugh, glance at my sister, who has a look that could kill on her face.

Stuart adds, "Oh yeah, yeah, sorry, animal fetuses. Its like, a delicacy. It was so disgusting, they were showing them clean it and prepare it for a big family meal."


More silence. Everyone glances down at their food.


Stuart then continued to comment on the nutritional value of this kind of delicacy. It was like, he kept digging himself into a hole that got deeper, and deeper, and deeper...

Now me, I thought it was fascinating, this fetus conversation. My relatives, not so much. The look on their faces as they listened to my boyf discuss fetus cuisine was unforgettable, and I almost spit out my lemonade when he first blurted out "they eat FETUSES" at our family table, where my sis was pregnant.

Lucky me, awkward family topics have been a recurring theme ever since. Once last year, I was visiting StuD's parent's house with him. In a convo with his mom and pop, StuD mentioned that a lot of his friends and family were getting married. I just sat there, kind of tuning out, looking around, while StuD and his parents continued the conversation about friends and family getting married. Unfortunately, in my mindless gazing, I happened to smile at StuD at EXACTLY the wrong time. Suddenly I heard his mother saying, "You guys aren't trying to tell us something, are you?!"

I panicked.

"No, no!!" I screeched in a high-pitched voice, "I'm just as freaked out by that as YOU are!"

awkward silence. nervous laughter all around.

I think Stuart said something at that point, but really I'm not sure because I blacked out after my mortifying comment. I mean, at the time StuD and I were still in school, we had only been dating for about a year, and marriage is the last thing on both of our minds. I never discuss it with StuD, let alone his parents.

Anyways, yesterday's Thanksgiving dinner with his family was no different. There was no individual circumstance of note, because at this point, whenever I hear a red-flag comment I just get up and leave the room.