Monday, December 10, 2007

Airborne Rabies


During my time in college I discovered that Airborne, the herbal health formula that is supposed to boost your immune system during flights, is an excellent hangover remedy. My path to this discovery was an adventure.

Last year I went out with my friends just before Christmas break. End of exams, no homework, woo hoo. Needless to say, we partied a little too hard and I still felt a little rough around the edges the next morning when I got to the airport to catch a flight home to Ohio. I also was beginning to feel a cold coming on, so I figured I better grab some cold-eez or something to deter my sickness. The airport convenience store did not have any cold-eez, but they did have Airborne. I briefly skimmed the package, saw that it would help me "combat germs" and promptly bought it. Assuming it was some sort of pill I was supposed to take before the flight, I headed towards the drinking fountain by the bathrooms. I opened the box and pulled out the small tube containing the Airborne. I popped the top, pulled out a giant tablet, and thought, "Hmmm...these must be like giant Tums. I guess I don't need to swallow anything, just chew it." I popped one in my mouth chomped down hard.

Big mistake.

Airborne tablets are not "giant Tums". They are effervescent tablets, that you are supposed to drop in a glass of water. As soon as they touch anything wet, they begin to effervesce. A lot.

The moment the tablet touched my tongue, chaos ensued. The tablet was effervescing everywhere and foam was spewing out of my mouth, making me look like I had a raging case of rabies. I panicked, wide eyed and gurgling, and attempted to run to the nearby bathroom. Unfortunately I had ALL my luggage with me, which was a huge deterrence. I panicked even more, because everyone knows at the airport you are not supposed to leave luggage unattended! I threw caution to the wind and ran towards the bathroom, my wheeling suitcase dragging on its side, my coat flying behind me and my giant tote bag jostling all over the place, all the while foaming at the mouth. Its a good thing there was no one in my way, and that the drinking fountain was fairly close to the restrooms.

I reached the bathroom sink, dropped my luggage, and spit out the fizzing tablet. I was shocked. "What the hell kind of Tums are these?!" I thought to myself as I glanced down at the small tube still clutched in my hand. I finally took the time to properly read the directions: Drop one effervescent tablet into 4 to 6 ounces of water, let fully dissolve (about 1 minute) and drink.

I went and bought myself a bottle of water and everything was fine. After correctly drinking a dose of Airborne, I felt great. Hydration + Airborne = even greater success.

3 comments:

I-66 said...

Best. Airport story. Ever.

Seriously. I'm dying.

toad said...

Where do you come up with these stories? How can one person have so many disasters. Are you a blond?

BrokeInDC said...

i-66: I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I enjoy telling it.

toad: I am of the opinion that everyone has incredible/hilarious/ridiculous stories...its how you tell them that makes the difference. And yes, I am blond...wanna fight about it?