Thank you Spike Television, for this glorious gift you hath bestowed upon me.
At least today, anyway...
I really couldn't catch a break, today. Sure, my Sunday started out pretty good. Slept in. Perused the internet for a bit. Had a small cookout.
And then I decided I wanted to do a little shopping. You know, I had the urge to buy something. I really felt the need to go to the mall. I was a little concerned about my timing, because it was getting later in the evening, but after a brief counsel with my friend, we came to the conclusion that the mall would definitely be open at 6:30PM on Sunday.
OR WOULD IT?
No, my friends, it would NOT be open at 6:30PM on Sunday. After wasting a bit of gas and about 15 minutes of my time driving all the way to the friggin' mall that turned out to be CLOSED, I decided that T.J. Max might fulfill my need to shop. It had been a while since I had the opportunity to rifle through discount racks. I mean, of course T.J. Max would be open at 6:45PM on Sunday.
OR WOULD IT?
No, no, they weren't. Well, to their credit they were technically open until 7PM, but as soon as I strolled in, some wretched women in skin tight stretch khakis told me "We're closing! You only have 5 minutes!". Rather than point out to her that "No lady, I actually have 15 minutes to buy a cheap pair of shoes I will probably only wear once," I decided it wasn't worth the time or effort and turned right back around and left. The khaki nightmare totally ruined my shopping vibe. As I trudged back to my car in the rain (can't a girl catch a break?!), I decided McDonalds was my next stop. Woof, you might say, but after two failed attempts at shopping, I felt like a $1 fudge sundae would do the trick. And McDonalds is reliable...they will have what I want.
OR WILL THEY?
No. Friggin. Ice cream. "What?!" I shouted into the speaker at the drive-thru. "You don't have any ice cream?! This is McDonalds! What is your deal?!" After catching a wary stare from the soccer mom in the minivan full of kids behind me, I shouted "Well then I will have NOTHING! THANK YOU!" and drove away. Pissed off, dreams of shopping and ice cream crushed, I came home and decided to get into my pajamas, get ready for bed, and hunker down on the couch for the evening. I slipped on my sexiest pair of sweatpants and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. There is nothing like a refreshing teeth brushing session before bedtime.
OR IS THERE?
The toothpaste I've been using for the past friggin' month has been expired since March...of 2007. I slammed my stale toothpaste in the mini bathroom trashcan, pissed off that I didn't even notice, or bother to check when I dug the tube out of the bottom of my bathroom drawer. I got out a fresh tube of travel paste, did the deed, then went downstairs to watch television.
And then I got my one break of the day. Star Wars Sunday on Spike TV.
May the force be with you.
3 comments:
I think malls close at 6 or something on Sundays... but there's no excuse for McDonald's being ice creamless on any day of the week, much less a gross rainy one when it wasn't warm enough to spark a mad ice cream rush (this is me blithely ignoring that Friday and Saturday were warm enough).
So screw them. That's what I'm trying to say here.
PS: Welcome back.
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