So yeah its been a while. Get over it.
Also, let me preface this post by saying that our family took very good care of our pets. They were all given enormous amounts of love and attention, regular veterinarian visits, shots, good food, and good times. I mean, sometimes you just forget to spay and neuter, no big deal.
Circa 1994, Sistah girl and I happened to get two baby kittens, who we immediately dubbed Simba and Nala. At the time we thought the Lion King was the most incredible movie ever made. Unfortunately we did not realize that Simba and Nala would eventually live up to their movie character names and “do the dirty”. Even more unfortunate, we never took Bob Barker’s advice. That’s right. Simba and Nala – spaying/neutering = kittens.
All the kittens in the litter were healthy and happy…except one, who we named Alfalfa. Alfalfa was developmentally challenged. His head was too large for his body, he was unable to walk straight, and always had a look of panic on his face, like the world was just too much for a little kitten like him. Alfalfa’s favorite haunt was our laundry room. He rarely emerged from the laundry room, but when he did, he did it with gusto. He would launch himself at top speed through the hallway into the kitchen, at which point he would be amazed by his bravery, panic, then sprint at top speed back into the laundry room, inevitably slamming into the wall because, well, he was an inbred kitten and had coordination problems.
And then, good lord, the rabbits. I honestly couldn’t even tell you how many friggin’ rabbits and baby rabbits we had. I truly understand the term “doing it like rabbits” because you know what? I lived it.
It all started with a cute Easter idea our parents had. “Oh let’s get the girls bunnies and shove them in Easter baskets for them to find on Easter morning!” Which is exactly what they did. Sistah girl and I were beside ourselves with excitement. Real live white bunnies! It was a dream come true!
More like a friggin’ inbred rabbit nightmare.
Now, its really hard to tell the sex of a rabbit when it is a baby. Which is what happened to us. We thought we had two same sex rabbits who were sister and sister. But no. We actually had two opposite sex rabbits who were sister and brother.
Unfortunately this information did not come to light until one day when my mother went out to feed the rabbits. What did she find? Sister and “Sister” rabbit had “did it like rabbits” and now we had A WHOLE FRIGGIN’ LITTER OF RABBITS. We panicked a bit and tried to get rid of them to friends and family. They seemed healthy, so we assumed all was well and separated the leftovers into separate areas…one area for the boy rabbits, and one area for the girl rabbits…OR SO WE THOUGHT.
A little while later, my older sister goes out to feed the rabbits, and what does she find. ANOTHER FRIGGIN’ LITTER OF RABBITS. So now we were dealing with super inbred rabbits, and something had to be done. These rabbits were not so lucky in the health department. Some of them passed away, and the others, well, the others had teeth and eye issues. And by teeth and eye issues I mean their teeth were jacked up and grew weirdly out of their mouth and their eyes were crossed.
Let me just finish this blog by saying NEVER GET RABBITS. And, as Bob Barker always says “Please, spay and neuter your pets.”
All the kittens in the litter were healthy and happy…except one, who we named Alfalfa. Alfalfa was developmentally challenged. His head was too large for his body, he was unable to walk straight, and always had a look of panic on his face, like the world was just too much for a little kitten like him. Alfalfa’s favorite haunt was our laundry room. He rarely emerged from the laundry room, but when he did, he did it with gusto. He would launch himself at top speed through the hallway into the kitchen, at which point he would be amazed by his bravery, panic, then sprint at top speed back into the laundry room, inevitably slamming into the wall because, well, he was an inbred kitten and had coordination problems.
And then, good lord, the rabbits. I honestly couldn’t even tell you how many friggin’ rabbits and baby rabbits we had. I truly understand the term “doing it like rabbits” because you know what? I lived it.
It all started with a cute Easter idea our parents had. “Oh let’s get the girls bunnies and shove them in Easter baskets for them to find on Easter morning!” Which is exactly what they did. Sistah girl and I were beside ourselves with excitement. Real live white bunnies! It was a dream come true!
More like a friggin’ inbred rabbit nightmare.
Now, its really hard to tell the sex of a rabbit when it is a baby. Which is what happened to us. We thought we had two same sex rabbits who were sister and sister. But no. We actually had two opposite sex rabbits who were sister and brother.
Unfortunately this information did not come to light until one day when my mother went out to feed the rabbits. What did she find? Sister and “Sister” rabbit had “did it like rabbits” and now we had A WHOLE FRIGGIN’ LITTER OF RABBITS. We panicked a bit and tried to get rid of them to friends and family. They seemed healthy, so we assumed all was well and separated the leftovers into separate areas…one area for the boy rabbits, and one area for the girl rabbits…OR SO WE THOUGHT.
A little while later, my older sister goes out to feed the rabbits, and what does she find. ANOTHER FRIGGIN’ LITTER OF RABBITS. So now we were dealing with super inbred rabbits, and something had to be done. These rabbits were not so lucky in the health department. Some of them passed away, and the others, well, the others had teeth and eye issues. And by teeth and eye issues I mean their teeth were jacked up and grew weirdly out of their mouth and their eyes were crossed.
Let me just finish this blog by saying NEVER GET RABBITS. And, as Bob Barker always says “Please, spay and neuter your pets.”
2 comments:
Water Girl... you have inspired me to write about my genocidal inbred gerbils. It will be up tomorrow.
I have enjoyed all these fine pet stories...........
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