Step in Time

So lets talk about Mary Poppins. Love that movie, but when I watched it last night on ABC Family, I forgot how weird it was.

This is what StuD had to say about the movie:

"Its a demonic movie about the hardships of the children."

What? Are we talking about the same movie? Those kids have a nanny that sings them beautiful songs and cleans up the nursery with the snap of her fingers. That woman is a dream.

But she is also really vain and in love with herself. When she firsts arrives and starts to unpack her magic carpet bag, the woman whips out TWO mirrors: one gigantic mirror for the wall so she can "see all of my face at the same time" and one hand mirror. And then there is her description on the tape measure she measures Jane and Michael with. Her measurement reads "Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way." After she reads it out loud, she smiles sweetly as if to say "Duh, of course I'm perfect." And then when they jump into the sidewalk chalk painting, she wins that freakin' horse race sitting side-saddle on a carousel horse. Rosy-cheeked beeyotch.

But lets talk about some other aspects of the movie. What's the deal with the man who lives next door to the Banks' and shoots a cannon off his roof every hour. The "admiral" has recreated a ship deck on his roof, apparently not over the fact that he used to be a boat captain or something. He is also quite knowledgeable about the weather. Even though the man shoots a cannon off his roof, I would take him over Mr. Wilson any day.

Another interesting character is the man who loves to laugh. Uncle Albert. Whose uncle is he? They call him Uncle Albert, but I really do not think that Jane, Michael, Mary Poppins, or Burt are his nieces or nephews. In my opinion, it is bad news if a man prefers to be called "Uncle" and he is no one's uncle. In any case, he loves to laugh. And float on the ceiling. Drugs must be involved.

And then they go to the bank. Good heavens, the bank and the goddamn tuppins. Michael just wanted to feed the birds, but no. Those rickety old bankers attacked that little boy for his tuppins. But if I were Michael, I sure as hell would not want to feed the birds. That bird lady with her deep, hollow "Feed the birds, tuppins a bag" always freaked me out. And those birds are crawling all over her! Birds are disgusting, and terrifying. Michael, I think you should keep your tuppins.

My sister and I grew up loving Mary Poppins. We used to watch it in our sweet gigantic conversion van, eating chicken nugget happy meals. How charmingly Midwest. We also used to stomp around our living room shaking sticks, dancing along to "Step in Time." Best number of the movie, I say. God, I wanted to be a chimney sweep so bad.